I'm not a professional writer, in fact, I am not really even a good one. I have great intentions. I tend to be inconsistent with goals. I can be hard on myself. I lose sleep at times thinking of how disorganized my pictures are and how I rarely have gotten any professional pictures of my family taken. I feel guilty that I haven't kept up a blog or a journal to capture the many wonderful and special family time.
I am a mother.
An imperfect one with a lot of love and strong feelings for God and my family.
I have been on the earth for 36 years, and just as I was promised in my patriarchal blessing, they have been good years- full of blessings that come from living in these times. I have had the privelege of experiencing tender, sweet spiritual experiences, and lately my heart feels pulled to record those as well as the deeper ponderings of my heart.
Today in Relief Society, we had a lesson about the relief society organization. Emily Larcher, who taught, shared how her grandmother was raised as a kind of "cinderella" at home. Her mother had favorites, and the others were expected to wait on them and were not treated with kindness. When Emily asked her grandmother how she gained her confidence and learned so many wonderful skills, her grandmother explained that it was through the relief society women, and callings that developed her. This really touched me, because I came to realize the same thing for myself. I was no Cinderella, I had an angel mother- a wonderful one who loved me and taught me many things. But I can see how being a part of relief society has done so much to shape, support and mold me into who I am today.
When asked for examples of ways RS has blessed our lives, I shared how with all the moving we have done, I have always had sisters. Not just friends, but true sisters who have loved and supported me. I shared how my nonmember friends comment about these bonds we share and how I have taken for granted how quickly and easily that sisterhood comes. The opportunities to share that sisterhood in RS is unparalleled by any other organization on earth.
This lesson also reminded me of a teaching moment I had from the Lord regarding visiting teaching. We were living in Iowa. I had 3 young kids, and as most mothers, I found myself so lost in raising kids that I just didn't feel like I had much to offer. At this time, I had great friends who were planning mission trips to Africa. What they were doing was remarkable and was just the kind of thing I knew I would love to do as well. I started to feel like my life did not have as much purpose or impact on others. That week, a girl I visit taught, Tiffany Robinson, had to be at the hospital with her newborn, Chase, because he got RSV. I picked up some food for her at the store to keep at the hospital and headed there to see her. Before I walked in, I felt impressed to look in the window. There I saw her holding her sick baby and rocking him. At that moment the Lord whispered, "you don't need to go to Africa to do my work." It was such a humbling experience as I realized that this little thing I was doing was the Lord's work. I repented of my attitude and started to look for more opportunities to serve and be an instrument in God's hands to the people around me.
That lesson came as a result of visiting teaching and I have grown in understanding on what it means to rescue and save souls. Sure, going to Africa is amazing and important, but so is serving those around us, and I have come to find great joy and satisfaction in doing so.
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