I was born in the covenant. As a lifelong member of this church, I have always understood and accepted that Joseph Smith was the prophet of the Restoration. I didn't necessarily have a spiritual experience where I sought to know for myself and received confirmation. It was just something I accepted because it made sense to me, like accepting that water from the faucet comes from pipes buried in the ground. Just didn't think about the hows and whys too much.
At this time in the world where technology is advanced, and social media has taken over the world, information (and misinformation) spreads like wild fire. It's a good and bad thing. Recently, Joseph Smith's journals have been released along with other journals of the early members of the church, which seems to be a blessing and a curse for members- especially lifelong members like me who have always accepted him as a prophet. This new information is great because we are able to learn so much more about the people. Along with good and helpful information, a lot of controversial material has popped up that has shaken the testimonies of many of our membership.
I have been unaffected by this until recently. A friend of mine on Facebook, Sylwia Hardman (a friend from Iowa) posted that she has received personal revelation that polygamy was not of God and it was the evil practice of men. Her comment received over 300 comments with people agreeing and disagreeing with her. I got sucked into it and for the first time- started getting doubts in my mind as to the character and motives of Joseph Smith. Sylwia is an amazing woman with the desire to bring equality to all of God's children. Reading the journals that were released shook her testimony to the core. She read of Joseph having not only a few wives, but multiple ones, some as young as 14 and even ones that were married but had husbands abroad. It is no longer heresay, it is actually printed in these journals, and the church has validated that these are authentic records.
Disturbing, right? Her discovery of these journals has led her to denounce Joseph Smith as a true prophet saying that he had revelation from time to time but that basically he went rogue and lost his mind "like so many other prophets" and even implied that his martyrdom was God's way to remove his from the earth because he moved so far from God's teachings.
It has always been hard for me to read criticisms about a church that I love with all of my heart. I usually do not entertain this type of material at all. But this time, I really wanted to see what people were saying. I am seeing within the church and even in my ward people falling away because of all of the literature there is against the church. Good people who have been stalwart members are struggling in their testimonies. Many feel that they've been lied to by the church all these years and feel resentful.
After reading Sylwia's thread, I found myself thinking, questioning and feeling uncomfortable about some of the facts of Joseph's life that don't make sense to me in this day and age. By choosing to read and follow her thread, I put myself in a place where I need to truly seek for myself and not just "accept" that Joseph Smith is a prophet of God.
Elder Andersen of the Apostles said, "Why does the Lord allow the evil speaking to chase after the good? One reason is that opposition against the things of God sends seekers of truth to their knees for answers."
This is exactly the affect it had on me. It is time to seek the truth- not from reputable sources, or even eyewitness journals from Joseph's day. I turned to the One with all intelligence and with perfect love for me whom I trust to tell me truth. I turned to God.
I am still on this journey. My prayer to know if Joseph died as God's true prophet was uttered this week. I have a lot to learn, but here is what God has revealed to me so far:
1. Joseph Smith lived and died a man of virtuous character. Yes, there are journal accounts from those days by others who may have claimed him to be otherwise. But there is also much recorded by those who knew him intimately and they have always testified that he was a man of God. I know that if all who encountered me wrote in their journals regarding the decisions I've made, or judged my character that there would be negatives written about me- especially by people who didn't really know me well or understood me. And I'm just Robyn, not a public figure. One who was closest to him and worked by his side and knew him in his personal life was John Taylor (who was with Joseph when he died). “I testify before God, angels, and men, that [Joseph] was a good, honorable, [and] virtuous man— … [and] that his private and public character was unimpeachable—and that he lived and died as a man of God.” That is enough for me. I too know that he lived and died a man of God. I have received assurances that this is true.
2. What about polygamy? I don't understand it fully. I especially don't understand the fact that Joseph did have many wives and that it was difficult for Emma. I don't think it was created by man like so many members struggling are claiming. But I do feel uncomfortable with a lot of the facts- 14 year old wife? Married women? I am still on the journey to know for myself. But rather than doubting my faith in Joseph, I am doubting my doubts and seeking truth from God. I understand that I will not fully understand the whys until I gain full knowledge in the next life, but I can receive reassurances while I'm here that it's ok not to understand it all and that not understanding does not mean that it was wrong.
3. The Lord told Joseph through his messenger, Moroni, that Joseph's name would “be had for good and evil among all nations, kindreds, and tongues." The Lord also tells us in scripture that "by their fruits ye shall know them." I am not done in my journey with Joseph, but there are some things that I do know for sure:
The fruits that came from his life work are good. They are the very things that have brought me such joy and fulfillment in my life and fruits that I recognize to be true and from God:. The Book of Mormon, The true church on the earth today, temple and saving ordinances, the priesthood, understanding of Christ's atonement. I know without a doubt through my own life experiences and my own seeking for truth that these things are true- and they are all a product of Joseph's work. How can all of these things be good and true and a blessing to my life, and come from an evil man? It cannot be.
This week as I have prayed and searched the strongest feeling I had was this: Joseph's name will be had for good when Robyn Mons speaks of him. I will not be one who contributes in evil speaking of someone who's life work brought fruit that has made my life joyful, peaceful, easier, happier and complete. This does not mean that I am ignorant, or am in denial of his weaknesses as a person, or that I am in denial that reputable sources wrote things that put him in a bad light. I have turned to God who knows all and he has given me this assurance. And that is enough for me.
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